Monday, September 26, 2011

10 Reasons I Deserve Bad Karma

My life has been a series of bad "accidents" if you will. I often find myself shaking my fist in the air screaming, "Curse you Murphy and your laws too!" Okay, maybe I don't really shake my fist in the air, but I often want to kick and scream and stomp around because it often seems things are never going quite my way.

I began thinking about these things. Wondering to myself what had I possibly done to deserve all this....and then it hit me, the epiphany of my situation. What have I done to deserve all this. So, I made a list. Yes, I made a list.  Here I share with you my top ten reasons why my bad "accidents" or "luck" may just be the just desserts I deserve. It's surprising Karma hasn't honestly kicked me harder....

The "Gift" of Gab is NOT Always A Good Thing

I have been talking I think since I stepped out of my mother's womb. It is a non-stop blabber of non-sense. If you want to know the most useless information in the world, it's a good chance I know it and will be glad to impart it upon you. I can talk to strangers, friends, family, pretty much anyone willing to stand still long enough to be tortured by my never ending conversation skills. It comes in handy when I need to bend people to my will. I can talk myself out of almost anything; any bill, any trouble or any responsibility for that matter. Why does this equate into bad Karma for me? Well with these skills comes skills that I am not so proud of, my sharp tongue. I can really cut deep with my words and have on many occasions left people bleeding from the words I let tumble off my lips. I have little filtering abilities. A thought pops into my head and with little thought or effort on my part, I pretty much let it just fall out of my mouth. Often leaving it gaping just wide enough to insert my own foot.

I Secretly Hate Everybody Before I Really Like Anybody

Huh?! Yes, it is true. I hate everybody. I don't like anyone when I first meet them. It takes me time to warm up. I am kind of twisted this way. I hate you and then if you somehow make it past my walls of defense, I like you, begrudgingly so. Once you are in my circle, you are well liked, loved even, and it takes a lot for me to go back to disliking you. It's no wonder Karma hangs outside my door waiting for a chance to knock me down! I wish I could change this one thing about myself, but I just don't trust easily. I can laugh with you, cry with you and share my life story with you, but it will take me awhile before I truly like you, again begrudgingly so. Don't be offended because this is one of those circumstances where it really is me and not you.

I Get Caught Up In The Pettiness Of Life

I look back at the things that have occurred in my life and find myself wishing ill will on anyone who may have had a devious hand in it. I search out my old High School bullies and pray that I find they are fat and miserable. I am secretly happy when something bad happens to someone I think did bad things."Do unto others as you would have done unto you." Well, what about what you wish unto others? I am thinking all this pettiness that I allow my mind to partake in cannot bode well in the Karma department. Again, I am not proud of this facet of myself, but I am honest about it. Do I want my "enemies" to get hit by a bus? No, of course not. Well, only if the bus can nick them and they can still walk or rather limp away. I don't wish death and destruction on people but I know when Karma visits their house I get a gleeful feeling inside of me. Feels like justice is being done. I am just not quite as gleeful now that I know She has been paying frequent visits to me.

I Am So Vane, I Really Do Think This Song Is About Me

I am not someone who thinks that I am so pretty. I don't think I am gorgeous. If I am lucky I might be girl-next-door cute. However, it's not my looks I am referring to. What I mean about vanity is really that everywhere I go I feel as if people are always talking about me. It is pretty vane to assume that when a loud roar of conversation becomes a quiet whisper that it is in anyway related to the fact that I just walked into the room. I think this goes back to my lack of trust in people and the fact that I hate everyone before I like anyone. I assume others are out there like me, and like me they are finding all the things wrong with me, even upon sight. Maybe my hair is all wrong, or my make-up too dark. Maybe I am talking too much (no surprise here) or coming off as a complete know-it-all who really knows nothing. Whatever it is, I am always certain that people everywhere are talking about me. After all, that song is really about me, isn't it?!


Back in the day, people taught their daughters to always talk just barely above a whisper. A gentleman will strain to hear the words upon your mouth when you speak very softly. Well no one has ever had to strain to hear the words from my mouth. Dainty or quiet are two words that are NEVER associated with me. I am not even sure it's possible for me to whisper. I get worked up and my loud voice goes from loud to a downright scream. If you are a family member, you have probably been exposed to this scream more often than you would have liked. I scream at my husband. I scream at my kids. I even scream at my dog. I have managed to work on this. I have tried to curb the loudness of my voice and to talk much more lovingly to those I truly do love. However, Karma probably thinks I still have a ways to go. (and she would be right!)

Well already five reasons Karma should be a fixture in my life. I don't know if I am as ready to share the other maybe just know there are five other reasons, but the outcome is still the same: She is here to stay. With bad Karma also comes the good, and somewhere deep inside of me there has to be something to bring about the good Karma. I am certain of it. I acknowledge I don't trust easy, I don't love easy nor am I easy to love. I might be vane and loud but I am also loyal and honest and somewhere that has to count for something in the grand cosmic scheme of things, right?